Resting in Organized Chaos

April 22, 2024

In the wake of my sister's passing in January, life took on a hushed tone for me, a quiet symphony of introspection and remembrance. In these past few months, I've found solace in tending to our garden, delving into gentle practice, and sorting through the treasure trove of books and boxes that lay dormant in storage for years. My sister, Jacquie and I shared a profound bond, woven together by the threads of closeness that only close siblings understand. With three decades of experience as a psychologist under her belt and my own quarter-century journey immersed in Eastern philosophy, our connection was a  confluence of Western understanding and Eastern wisdom.

As I navigated the whirlwind of preparations surrounding her passing—logistical arrangements, family gatherings drawing loved ones from coast to coast, and the intricate dance of processing my own emotions—I witnessed firsthand her courage, a beacon guiding us through the storm. Together, we explored topics many shy away from, including the delicate decision surrounding aid in dying, a conversation steeped in depth and understanding. When the time came, she faced it with a certainty that left no room for doubt.

Now, as I gradually reintegrate into the rhythm of teaching and engaging with clients, I'm struck by the harsh discordance of the world around me. It's a familiar chaos, the relentless hum of to-do lists, pressures, and the ever-present shadow of doubt. Yet amidst this symphony of noise, I find myself drawn to the simplicity of quiet contemplation, a reminder to remain curious and open-hearted, free from the shackles of judgment.

Though my mind does wander through the corridors of thought, grappling with its own demons, I am resolved to meet it with radical compassion. It's a journey marked by  introspection, a commitment to exploring the depths of my being with kindness and understanding. And in this sacred space of self-discovery, I find refuge- light guiding me through the darkness, honoring the legacy of my sister's courageous spirit.